God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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