You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
