ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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