Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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