he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
