Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
