Betty ford says i'm here all night
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Sext me about skeletons
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
