I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
