After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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