I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize