I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
