his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
