you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
