you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
