Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She told me I should be a condom model.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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