She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
