Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
