I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
foreskin is a definite game changer
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
