I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize