went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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