Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize