I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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