oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
