Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
