I hate all girls vehemently.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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