I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
