McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
