everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
