that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
