she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
