Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
