Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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