Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
