I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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