My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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