Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
