the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you had me at cake vodka
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
