i think my tv is drunk
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
