Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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