So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
