Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
