4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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