There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize