Im at strip club and am horny
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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