Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
