So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
