wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
