I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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