Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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