i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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