I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
