i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I will be naked everywhere
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
