Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
