I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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