I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
