with your own penis?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize