Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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