I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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