Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize