saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
