I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
