Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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