Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
