So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
