quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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