you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize