It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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