she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
