New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
