No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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