Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
