whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
