Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You smell like stripper and shame
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize