so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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