I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
