i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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