Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
