FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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