just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
