So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
