Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
